Unseasonal People

On June 4, 2012 I received a message and that message was "God may not JUST be removing someone from your life….He might be removing you from theirs, too". When I read that message it stuck with me, by stuck I mean I couldn't get it out of my head.  I’ve always prided myself on trying to be the best version of me. I was raised that way. We are firm believers that no matter what you decide to do with your life, the most important thing is to be the best at what you’re doing. They’ve taught me to give 100%, they also taught me not to settle for mediocrity from myself or others.  In recent weeks I’ve been thinking about that, settling for mediocrity bit. I found out that I had been doing exactly that in one particular aspect of my life. Friendships. I was letting people in my life that did not share my personal, moral or spiritual values, not only did some of them not share them they lacked their own. This can cause problems when it comes down to how they handle certain situations and how they treat people.
I took a few days to reflect on things and pray. I asked God to continue guiding me in the areas of my life that I’ve been working on: weight loss and career to name a couple. I also asked God to reveal and remove any people that were not right for my life and the direction that I am headed, which is up.  I “disconnected” for a few days and in those few days the conduct of one person in particular was very troubling to my spirit.  I prayed about it and the answer that I received was the people who are supposed to stay in your life will be known to you and those that are not supposed to be in your life will be removed. That happened quicker than I thought. Within a matter of days a certain person’s true nature was revealed and what I perceived to have been a friendship quickly deteriorated and revealed its true nature through a series of emails and voice messages I received. Both sets of messages were very mercurial in nature and frequently switched between anger and apology. Needless to say this caused me great concern and I had only one option, dissolve the friendship. I didn’t even have to think twice about it and have no reservations about it and immediately felt calm in my spirit afterwards.  I also thought back to the message I received and I feel that perhaps I was being removed from that person’s life as well.

This posting will be the only one that I refer to this particular instance as I am taking the advice of the ever fabulous, always insightful Marshawn Evans and “Releasing forever what God has already removed”. Last night Marshawn's twitter feed was like a direct message for me (although I'm sure many others gained needful insight from it as well).  She specifically spoke about what she refers to as Unseasonal People. These are people who are in your life for a particular purpose, whose time is up!  She spoke about the struggles of releasing people and things that are no longer serving positive purposes in your life and that we are responsible for whose words we allow to take root in our life. I was immediately taken back to the words of one of my friend's mother who always says, "Thoughts are things, words have power. When you allow someone to speak things to you they bring certain things in your life and those things aren't always good". 

If you are constantly listening to someones negative statements, the vitriol they spew about others and just the general disappointment and unhappiness they have in their lives, you have to take ownership for continuing to allow that person space in your life. You have to take the responsibility and show them the door out of your life.  It’s easier said than done for some but as my Grandmother would say “what’s necessary baby, ain’t always what’s easy”. This was necessary and now it’s done and I’m moving on.  I’m ever thankful for all the blessings I receive, for my loving family and faithful friends.  If you have someone in your life that you know is no longer serving a purpose for good, it's time to wish them well and move ahead without them.



Arrivederci!

1 time at Boot Camp...

So.... I let Sabrina (who I will be disowning as a member of my family momentarily) talk me in to going to a fitness boot camp with her this morning. Considering that I've never been a fan of traditional workouts - sports are more my thing - I asked her what I should expect.  She said, "well..you know. A little of this, a bit of that. Some jumping jacks, going up and down stairs a few times". I'm like cool this doesn't sound too intense. BULLSHIT! I almost died.

Seriously, I have never been in tears during a workout until today.  Everything ached immediately after.  Usually it's the next day when you start to feel the pain. Nope, not here. It was instant! My butt was hurting from the stationary bike. Those seats are uncomfortable. If any of you work or know someone at these manufacturers please let them know those seats require more cushion. I got home and pulled my pants down and what do you know, I have a bruise on my butt.  Next, my face was hurting, my whole face. My nose felt like I had been punched in it. My cheeks were burning, my head was aching.

To make things worse, the guy running the boot camp kept coming over to me talking about, "You can do it!" I'm like, look here you skinny asshole I CAN'T DO IT.  He yells "run, run". I wanted to slap him in the face and tell him I only run when I'm being chased.  I was doing sit ups and he's like OK, we're getting warmed up just 3 more sets of 30.  In my mind I'm telling my self, "you can do this girl, your ancestors picked cotton in the south during slavery and you're complaining about a little workout". That didn't help either. I started praying and then I grabbed my towel and cover my face. I'm sure everyone thought I was wiping all the sweat from it but I was really crying. Crying because I was exhausted, I was mad at myself for being fat in the first place and I was really mad at Sabrina for forcing me to get up at 6am on a Saturday and exercise!

This was one of the most intense workouts ever.  You know Jackie Warner from Bravo? This man must have been trained by her because this was no joke. And then his skinny ass didn't even do the workout. He was just telling us what to do. I have half a mind to take a jujitsu class just so I can go back to that gym and kick his ass.

I.THOUGHT.I.WAS.GOING.TO.DIE!! My family says I'm exaggerating but it's true. I've only felt like I was going to die once before in my life.  And guess what? I was going to die (or as my 5 year old nephew would say, I was finna bout to die!). So I'm being serious here. I have never sweated so much in my life.  I was a shaky, achy mess when I left that gym. People say being fat will kill you but getting unfat will surely kill you too.  I take Zumba 3 times a week and I've taken Billy Blanks' TaeBo and none of that shit has ever had me feeling like this.  I came in my house and collapsed on the floor. I barely had enough energy to stand. Gross as it may sound, I kind of wish that I had a catheter because I didn't have the energy to get off the floor and go to the bathroom. How I even have the strength to type this is a wonder to me.

I'll be back at it again next week, because Sabrina (who is no longer related to me) decided she'd gift me a month of boot camp work outs. So this may be one of the last posts I ever publish.

Arrivederci.

Comfortable in your skin (at any weight)

It doesn’t matter if you’re 100 pounds or 500 pounds if you don’t love yourself you will not be happy at any weight.  I know I will never be “skinny” and I didn’t make this lifestyle change over the past year to get to skinny (I’d have to lose a whole lot more weight to be skinny – and I don’t want to be, so there!).  I did it to be healthy.  So many people’s happiness is tied to some arbitrary number on a scale or an arbitrary number sewn to the inside of a garment.  We look in fashion magazines and on television are constantly bombarded with images of super thin people and some folks think that’s how they’re supposed to look.

I’m sure there are people that enjoy being thin just as there are people that enjoy being larger.  If your self-worth and happiness is directly related to your weight then baby, you need some help.  I know super thin people; I mean less than 100 pounds who are anything but healthy. They smoke cigarettes, eat all types of junk food and some of those people are even doing cocaine. So if that’s what it takes to be thin then I’ll keep these extra pounds.

You have to love yourself!  I look at myself in the mirror all the time and smile. I love me. I love my hair, my eyes, my lips, my hips, my fat rolls and everything else.  I just don’t get how people cannot love themselves.  We’re unique; no one is like anyone else. That uniqueness alone should be enough. But unfortunately it’s not.  I know so many people – large and small – with self abhorrence issues directly stemming from their weight.  It upsets me because I wonder if they dislike themselves that much because they’re a few pounds overweight do they hate me because I’m fat.  Trust and believe I’m not losing sleep over that though J

It all boils down to being happy in your own skin.  Happy at whatever weight you are!  I decided and needed to lose weight for health reasons and I’m still the same type of person I was 82 pounds heavier, nothing’s changed except my outlook on what I put in my body and how active I am.  At the end of the day I’m still Danielle.  So I implore you all to embrace the uniqueness of you and love yourself, all of yourself, every ounce, every pound and every hundred pounds.

There is light at the end of the tunnel

There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT a train!

Exactly 1 year ago I began a journey. A journey that I started many times before and always turned back around. The dreaded weight loss journey. Let me begin by saying that I've never been unhappy with myself. I've always been comfortable in my skin. I'm not one of those fat chicks who has a problem finding clothes. I live a full life. I travel (and I don't have to buy 2 airline seats - not that there's a problem if you do).  I have to turn down invitations from friends to hang out because I just have so much going on.  There seems to be a belief that if you're fat you are sad, desperate and have no willpower. Which is NOT true. I go out dancing and going to the movies. I hang out and I party.  I was, however, unhappy with not being able to run a mile like I used to in high school. I was unhappy about having knee pain after walking through the mall. I was extremely unhappy about not being able to play basketball with my younger nephews and keep up like I used to when my older nephew was younger.

I've tried every "diet" - I use the term very loosely. I've tried the shit you drink before going to sleep that supposed to help you "lose while you snooze". Didn't work! I've tried the cabbage soup diet. Didn't work - had gas all day! I've tried Weight Watchers? It partially worked. I just don't have the time to dedicate to keeping a food diary for the rest of my life and counting points and calculating activity points. I barely have time to balance my fucking checkbook! I tried the diet where you drink cayenne pepper with lemon juice, molasses. Didn't work! I've tried the South Beach Diet! I should've just taken a trip to South Beach. Guess what? Didn't Work! I ordered this alleged wonder tea from China and aside from looking and possibly being panda piss it didn't work! I even spent a shitload of money and probably increased the sales of Frito-Lay tenfold by going on a - wait for it - a potato chip diet! Didn't work! I tried the Hollywood Juice Diet or as I refer to it the Gatorade mixed with crack diet. Didn't work! I guess you see a trend developing. While these diets may have worked for some people, THEY. DIDN'T. WORK. FOR. ME!!!!!!!!!!! I've tried everything except weight loss surgery it seems and I refuse to have surgery for something I can do on my own.

I found the magic weight loss solution that will work for everyone. I should patent it but I'm going to give it to y'all for free. It's called the "Get off your ass, step away from the table and exercise solution". Yes and it's that simple. Why I didn't realize it before is beyond me. I just had to do it and now one year later I've lost 82 pounds. I stopped eating fast food. I am a very good cook and run a small catering business so the reason I was eating fast food was out of convenience than anything else. To be honest most fast food is disgusting, we're just so accustomed to eating it that, that's exactly what we do - eat it. I started taking a Zumba class on Mondays in April of last year. In July I started taking a Friday class as well. I began eating more fruits and vegetables and completely cut out sodas. I drink mostly water and if the occasion arises that I do want juice. I grab a pineapple or an orange and juice it myself. It really is as simple as that. The waste from the juicing process is immediately thrown into the soil in the flowerbed in my backyard.

I stopped making excuses and started making changes. My overall health has drastically improved and I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life. I still have a significant amount of weight to lose but I am happy with my progress. Since I stopped “dieting” I started losing weight and it’s been easier than I ever thought. I don’t look at the changes I’ve made as limiting myself; in fact, I enjoy food more than ever now and in such a great abundance that it’s unbelievable. I eat huge salads; I consume massive amounts of fruits and vegetables. I save money because I shop at farmer’s markets and have met a lot of people with gardens and get free veggies from them. I’ve learned to eat smarter, I’ve learned so much about eating for optimal health.  I look forward to exercising and feel weird when I don’t.

I hope this encourages someone out there who may have tried diet after diet with no success.  As with anything else you need to make time for it.  That too was easier than I thought. I used to live my life on a strict schedule. Time dedicated for everything; music, TV, telephone, computer, work, work at home and even baths.  I just had to schedule time for working out and it’s all worked out for me for the past year.  I’ll continue to update this space with my progress. I never really had too much to blog about that interested me that I thought would interest other but I’m so excited about this life change that I want to share it with everyone.



Until the next time….

Is this really happening

I started out this morning like I would any other - grab my blackberry, check twitter, check emails, brush teeth, hair and get dressed. Nothing going on so I proceed with business as usual. I hear the text message notification on my phone. Oh no Breaking News! Not just any news but Saints news! Before I even open the message I know it's not going to be good. I proceed with caution and open the message and there it is in digital black & white. Sean Payton suspended for a year, Mickey Loomis for 8 games and the worst is not over because the players involved haven't been penalized.

I know this may seem a bit dramatic but it's the God's honest truth. My heart started beating extremely fast and I thought I was going to pass out. To say I'm obsessed with the New Orleans Saints is an understatement. That is my hometown team and I adore them. I cheered for them when they lose and I cheer for them when they win (preferring the latter to the former of course). I am still in shock and have yet to read the full report but I'm sure that will be my bedtime reading instead of the usual novel.

I know that Commissioner Goodell has vowed to put player safety above everything else but that in itself is a joke. Football is one of the most brutal contact sports there is. Grown men are played to rough each other up and he heads the league so if player safety is his main concern why would he be working in the NFL at all?  The Saints bounty scandal didn't shock or surprise me in fact I thought it was a great idea. In nearly every field of employment performance is incentivized and I don't think sports is any different. Players who perform well on the field receive the best contracts, largest endorsements, etc. Why are sack stats kept and records given out if safety is paramount? Because it's not. Roger Goodell is a fucking joke!

The solution he proposes it to have teams certify in writing they are not running bounties? Get the fuck outta here! You are going to let offenders police themselves?! It makes no sense. I understand they need to make and example but I'm sure the Saints aren't the only team that had a bounty in place and other players on other teams have indicated this as well.

I guess I'm just so emotionally connected to New Orleans and the Saints that I feel strongly about this but I just can't wrap my head around how severe this punishment seems for a an offense - and I use that term loosely -  that is seemingly happening throughout the league. The league should set and example instead of making one out of the Saints.

That's all I have to say for now. I need a Valium!

Heartbreak as the New Orleans Saints Season Ends

It’s been nearly 24 hours and I’m only now able to mutter the words that are the title of this post. My beloved Saints ended their season with a dramatic last seconds loss to the San Francisco 49ers. Win or lose I proclaim my love for the Saints.

Yesterday’s loss was met with disbelief and tears. Yes. Tears.  I cried like a baby when Vernon Davis caught the game winning TD.  My phone rang immediately. My cousin in Louisiana was on the phone in tears as well. She said she didn't want to leave her house. I didn't leave mine, still havent.

With a family from New Orleans, it is only natural that I’m a Saints fan. The unnatural part about it?  How I turn into a completely different person during the games. I’m a carefree person…usually. During a Saints game I a yelling, screaming, jumping MANIAC. Win or lose I’m going crazy. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and proclaiming the Saints the greatest team on turf.  I cheered for the Saints when they were losing for years and I cheer when they win. I prefer the latter to the former however. 

I woke up super early yesterday and got dressed in my black and gold. I’ve worn the same t-shirt on game day for the past 3 seasons.  It’s faded but feels so comfortable that I feel strange when a game is on and I’m not wearing it.  All this rambling is basically just therapy and is helping me cope with the fact that my beloved black and gold clad Saints post season hopes of another Super Bowl are over.

All hope is not lost, there’s always next season. I know this but it still feels weird. For months my Sunday’s (and occasional Monday nights) are spent watching Saints football that I don’t know what to do with myself once the season ends.

I woke up at about 4am and just began crying. Well at least the Golden Globes are tonight and the only thing outside of my family that can compare to Saints football is red carpet couture.

'Til next  time or as far as the Saints are concerned….'til next season

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!
This year I resolved (again) to update this space more often. It was initially going to be dedicated to my loe of shoes but that just seems so boring to me. I still love shoes but I thought it might be a bore to people coming across this page. Anyhow, I expect this to be a productive year which means I'll have more to share with the people who come across this page.

Anyhow, that's it for now.