Unseasonal People

On June 4, 2012 I received a message and that message was "God may not JUST be removing someone from your life….He might be removing you from theirs, too". When I read that message it stuck with me, by stuck I mean I couldn't get it out of my head.  I’ve always prided myself on trying to be the best version of me. I was raised that way. We are firm believers that no matter what you decide to do with your life, the most important thing is to be the best at what you’re doing. They’ve taught me to give 100%, they also taught me not to settle for mediocrity from myself or others.  In recent weeks I’ve been thinking about that, settling for mediocrity bit. I found out that I had been doing exactly that in one particular aspect of my life. Friendships. I was letting people in my life that did not share my personal, moral or spiritual values, not only did some of them not share them they lacked their own. This can cause problems when it comes down to how they handle certain situations and how they treat people.
I took a few days to reflect on things and pray. I asked God to continue guiding me in the areas of my life that I’ve been working on: weight loss and career to name a couple. I also asked God to reveal and remove any people that were not right for my life and the direction that I am headed, which is up.  I “disconnected” for a few days and in those few days the conduct of one person in particular was very troubling to my spirit.  I prayed about it and the answer that I received was the people who are supposed to stay in your life will be known to you and those that are not supposed to be in your life will be removed. That happened quicker than I thought. Within a matter of days a certain person’s true nature was revealed and what I perceived to have been a friendship quickly deteriorated and revealed its true nature through a series of emails and voice messages I received. Both sets of messages were very mercurial in nature and frequently switched between anger and apology. Needless to say this caused me great concern and I had only one option, dissolve the friendship. I didn’t even have to think twice about it and have no reservations about it and immediately felt calm in my spirit afterwards.  I also thought back to the message I received and I feel that perhaps I was being removed from that person’s life as well.

This posting will be the only one that I refer to this particular instance as I am taking the advice of the ever fabulous, always insightful Marshawn Evans and “Releasing forever what God has already removed”. Last night Marshawn's twitter feed was like a direct message for me (although I'm sure many others gained needful insight from it as well).  She specifically spoke about what she refers to as Unseasonal People. These are people who are in your life for a particular purpose, whose time is up!  She spoke about the struggles of releasing people and things that are no longer serving positive purposes in your life and that we are responsible for whose words we allow to take root in our life. I was immediately taken back to the words of one of my friend's mother who always says, "Thoughts are things, words have power. When you allow someone to speak things to you they bring certain things in your life and those things aren't always good". 

If you are constantly listening to someones negative statements, the vitriol they spew about others and just the general disappointment and unhappiness they have in their lives, you have to take ownership for continuing to allow that person space in your life. You have to take the responsibility and show them the door out of your life.  It’s easier said than done for some but as my Grandmother would say “what’s necessary baby, ain’t always what’s easy”. This was necessary and now it’s done and I’m moving on.  I’m ever thankful for all the blessings I receive, for my loving family and faithful friends.  If you have someone in your life that you know is no longer serving a purpose for good, it's time to wish them well and move ahead without them.



Arrivederci!

1 time at Boot Camp...

So.... I let Sabrina (who I will be disowning as a member of my family momentarily) talk me in to going to a fitness boot camp with her this morning. Considering that I've never been a fan of traditional workouts - sports are more my thing - I asked her what I should expect.  She said, "well..you know. A little of this, a bit of that. Some jumping jacks, going up and down stairs a few times". I'm like cool this doesn't sound too intense. BULLSHIT! I almost died.

Seriously, I have never been in tears during a workout until today.  Everything ached immediately after.  Usually it's the next day when you start to feel the pain. Nope, not here. It was instant! My butt was hurting from the stationary bike. Those seats are uncomfortable. If any of you work or know someone at these manufacturers please let them know those seats require more cushion. I got home and pulled my pants down and what do you know, I have a bruise on my butt.  Next, my face was hurting, my whole face. My nose felt like I had been punched in it. My cheeks were burning, my head was aching.

To make things worse, the guy running the boot camp kept coming over to me talking about, "You can do it!" I'm like, look here you skinny asshole I CAN'T DO IT.  He yells "run, run". I wanted to slap him in the face and tell him I only run when I'm being chased.  I was doing sit ups and he's like OK, we're getting warmed up just 3 more sets of 30.  In my mind I'm telling my self, "you can do this girl, your ancestors picked cotton in the south during slavery and you're complaining about a little workout". That didn't help either. I started praying and then I grabbed my towel and cover my face. I'm sure everyone thought I was wiping all the sweat from it but I was really crying. Crying because I was exhausted, I was mad at myself for being fat in the first place and I was really mad at Sabrina for forcing me to get up at 6am on a Saturday and exercise!

This was one of the most intense workouts ever.  You know Jackie Warner from Bravo? This man must have been trained by her because this was no joke. And then his skinny ass didn't even do the workout. He was just telling us what to do. I have half a mind to take a jujitsu class just so I can go back to that gym and kick his ass.

I.THOUGHT.I.WAS.GOING.TO.DIE!! My family says I'm exaggerating but it's true. I've only felt like I was going to die once before in my life.  And guess what? I was going to die (or as my 5 year old nephew would say, I was finna bout to die!). So I'm being serious here. I have never sweated so much in my life.  I was a shaky, achy mess when I left that gym. People say being fat will kill you but getting unfat will surely kill you too.  I take Zumba 3 times a week and I've taken Billy Blanks' TaeBo and none of that shit has ever had me feeling like this.  I came in my house and collapsed on the floor. I barely had enough energy to stand. Gross as it may sound, I kind of wish that I had a catheter because I didn't have the energy to get off the floor and go to the bathroom. How I even have the strength to type this is a wonder to me.

I'll be back at it again next week, because Sabrina (who is no longer related to me) decided she'd gift me a month of boot camp work outs. So this may be one of the last posts I ever publish.

Arrivederci.

Comfortable in your skin (at any weight)

It doesn’t matter if you’re 100 pounds or 500 pounds if you don’t love yourself you will not be happy at any weight.  I know I will never be “skinny” and I didn’t make this lifestyle change over the past year to get to skinny (I’d have to lose a whole lot more weight to be skinny – and I don’t want to be, so there!).  I did it to be healthy.  So many people’s happiness is tied to some arbitrary number on a scale or an arbitrary number sewn to the inside of a garment.  We look in fashion magazines and on television are constantly bombarded with images of super thin people and some folks think that’s how they’re supposed to look.

I’m sure there are people that enjoy being thin just as there are people that enjoy being larger.  If your self-worth and happiness is directly related to your weight then baby, you need some help.  I know super thin people; I mean less than 100 pounds who are anything but healthy. They smoke cigarettes, eat all types of junk food and some of those people are even doing cocaine. So if that’s what it takes to be thin then I’ll keep these extra pounds.

You have to love yourself!  I look at myself in the mirror all the time and smile. I love me. I love my hair, my eyes, my lips, my hips, my fat rolls and everything else.  I just don’t get how people cannot love themselves.  We’re unique; no one is like anyone else. That uniqueness alone should be enough. But unfortunately it’s not.  I know so many people – large and small – with self abhorrence issues directly stemming from their weight.  It upsets me because I wonder if they dislike themselves that much because they’re a few pounds overweight do they hate me because I’m fat.  Trust and believe I’m not losing sleep over that though J

It all boils down to being happy in your own skin.  Happy at whatever weight you are!  I decided and needed to lose weight for health reasons and I’m still the same type of person I was 82 pounds heavier, nothing’s changed except my outlook on what I put in my body and how active I am.  At the end of the day I’m still Danielle.  So I implore you all to embrace the uniqueness of you and love yourself, all of yourself, every ounce, every pound and every hundred pounds.